- 16 x 20 mixed media on canvas board
Yesterday evening I attended a yearly event call Light Up The Night hosted by the local domestic violence agencies. This event brings awareness of domestic violence to the community. Each year features a guest speaker, a commemorative walk with lights, and the silhouettes of all those who were murdered in our area as a result of domestic violence with their stories posted on each.
This year’s speaker was Teri Jendusa Nicolai, who was beaten and left for dead in a dumpster at the hands of her ex-husband. As Teri told her story, the two signs of abuse she mentioned over and over were control and isolation. She stated repeatedly how it is never about love, but about control. She talked about how the victims lose a sense of themselves as they loses contact with friends and relatives, how not being able to get healthy feedback from others about their lives keeps them in the situation. She talked about the loss of self-esteem that comes gradually as isolation increases, and how the loss of control over one’s own life makes victims unable to leave. She urged tougher laws of all kinds.
I wondered how we can get tougher laws when it seems the voices of women have grown ever more silent. Men are not held in contempt anymore for their appalling use of women and children, but are even lauded by many women themselves. This new attitude became most evident when it was revealed that President Clinton was having sex with a young intern not much older than his daughter, and in spite of sexual harassment laws in the workplace, his behavior was called his personal life choice and nobody’s business. He still holds the love and admiration of many women in this country and around the world. Why?
Women and young girls and boys are still not protected from sexual predators when you have a society that accepts and overlooks predator behavior because a man is a celebrity or has power. You have men like David Letterman who sexually harassed Sarah Palin”s daughter on national television and because she was a Republican women there were no cries for Letterman to resign. Now we know he made use of his employees for his own sexual satisfaction too. In spite of the women’s age or the willingness or coercion, he engaged in unethical behavior at the least and unlawful at the worst. Still women are silent.
Then there is the case of Roman Polanski who drugged, sodomized, and raped a young thirteen year old girl and after years on the run has been apprehended. Did women’s groups cheer? No, there was even discussion on whether or not he should have to pay for his crime with many women saying it was not important now.
How about the legal murder of Teri Shiavo? Her husband, who had been living with and father children with another woman, was still allowed to starve her to death even though her parents wanted to care for her. Women like Catherine Crier came to his defense. Why?
Women who used to be in the forefront of the movements to rid society of the idea that they were objects didn’t do the same for their children because they wanted control, which translated into the right to abortion? Now they are isolating the women that need them the most to support them when they are battered and abused, raped and sodomized.
We are seeing that many women themselves have even become some of the worst victimizers of children; female teachers are having sex with boys in their charge, and partners with men in abuse and other crimes against other women. Their lack of compassion for each other is at an all time high. What has happened to our society that it throws our children and sisters into the mouths of men who entertain us or have power? Are we so greedy that we want nothing more than higher pay and better careers? Despite the sexual harassment laws, fight for equality, and other advancements that women fought for in the 70’s, the sexual and mortal safety of women and children has steadily declined. Women may have reached higher incomes opportunities, yes, but what price have we paid? We didn’t need to give anything up in order to advance in careers, education, or business. We just had to make better choices and demand better treatment.
As I left the talks in the auditorium, I walked around the reception area and read the stories of victims that were posted on blacken life-sized silhouettes around the room. There were silhouettes of women young and older, little children, babies, teenagers, and even a female perpetrator who had been killed later by her victim. These stories and visual representations were so powerful that I struggled to keep back the tears. I felt that I was in the real presence of these people and their sadness and tragedy pulsated around me.
It is obvious that we need to continue to bring the awareness of this issue before the public, but we cannot pick and chose which forms of violence and abuse we will accept. There is no hope to end abuse and the killing of women and children if we condone any degree of abuse and or killing to exist. We are not silhouettes yet, but alive and have choices. Let us not sell ourselves or our children down the river for some false ideas that we need to sacrifice to the god and goddess of death to live. Remember we are all victims of violence and abuse when we allow it to happen to someone else.
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This image is just my idea of two women with their umbrella’s walking out into the summer days.
Today as I am traveling in India, it makes me question everything I know. The order if life and how people live in it is so contrary to mine own world. I rely on wisdom to lead me through and bring me home.
